


The Power of Love and the Power of Healing

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Thicker than Water [39]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Alternate Universe, Drama, F/M, Family, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 15:05:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2433146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How the hell did he get so lucky to know her, love her, and be loved by her in return?  It had to be a gift from God.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Power of Love and the Power of Healing

**Author's Note:**

> This story is written in the **Thicker than Water** series, where the BAU are kids and teens. [](http://citymusings.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://citymusings.livejournal.com/)**citymusings** prompted me using lyrics from Twila Tharp’s _The Warrior is a Child_. I don’t know the song but these stuck out, _People say that I'm amazing, strong beyond my years. But they don't see inside of me, I'm hiding all these tears_. They had Jason written all over them. The story title comes from the Billy Joel song, _All About Soul_.

  
**Summer 1997**   


“Something’s wrong with Jason.” Hotch said.

“I know.” Emily nodded.

“Have you talked to him?”

“Have you?” she countered.

“I don't know what to say.”

“Well that kinda makes two of us.”

“I don’t think I've ever seen him like this.”

“He thinks he’s doing a good job of hiding it.” Emily replied.

“I don’t think the little ones have noticed. Morgan asked me yesterday what was wrong with him.”

“Spencer, Penelope, and JJ notice everything. They may not articulate it but they notice.”

“What are we going to do?” Hotch leaned on the banister and watched Emily smoke her clove. It was late but still hot and humid out. August in DC could be nothing short of hellish. And when you weren't drowning in your own sweat, you were wishing the rain would end. It would, sometime around late October.

“I’ll talk to him.” Emily said.

“I thought you didn’t know what to say.” Hotch crossed his arms.

“That doesn't mean I'm not gonna try. Jason is there for all of us no matter what. He’s sacrificed so much to give us a safe place to live and grow.”

“You don’t have to tell me what he's sacrificed. I've been his best friend for seven years.”

“Well I certainly wasn’t doing it so that you could get snippy with me.”

“I just…” he sighed.

“What Hotch?”

“I don't know.” His tone was exasperated. “We’ve always talked to each other, about everything. We've always been brothers. And now…”

Emily wanted to ask Hotch if he blamed her for that. Now that she and Jason were together, did Hotch believe that she was getting all of his confidences and closeness? She remembered how snippy and cruel he’d been when they first met. It was a year ago; a lifetime in the course of their family. They were the twins now.

But that didn’t mean that Emily forgot. She knew how possessive Hotch could be of Jason. Being that way wasn’t his nature but Jason was all he had. She tried her best never to get bent out of shape about it. To love Hotch was to love his quirks and that was one of many. Emily had hers as well; they all did.

“Well I’ll let you talk to him if you want.” She said.

“I told you I'm not sure what to say. I just want to know what's wrong.”

“So you ask what's wrong.”

“What if he says nothing’s wrong?” Hotch asked.

“Then tell him that you know something is wrong. Tell him that the whole family is worried about him and if he doesn’t wanna talk about it, fine, but don’t pretend it’s nothing when it’s something.”

“You should do it…you already know what to say. I don’t want to sound like I'm reading a script.”

“OK.” She nodded.

“Will you tell me, if it’s not a secret?”

“Of course.”

“OK.”

“Seriously Hotch, if you want to do this I won't step on your toes. What matters most to me is that Jason is alright, not who he chooses to give his confidence to.”

“You're his girlfriend…don’t you always want his confidence?” Hotch asked.

“I want his love, his trust, his friendship, and his well being. I don’t like it when he doesn’t share with me, especially something like this, but I have to do my best to trust that he knows when to open up. It’s just hard because you're his best friend and we’re close as well. There are a lot of blurry lines. I don’t want anyone feeling left out.”

“I want the same thing that you do.”

“What do you mean?” Emily asked.

“I just want him to be OK.” Hotch mumbled.

“I’ll talk to him.” Emily stood up. “It’s getting late; you should probably get some sleep.”

“I will soon.” Hotch made no effort to move from his spot on the banister.

Nodding, she squeezed his shoulder and went into the house. She double checked that everything was locked up before going upstairs. Hotch would turn on the alarm since he was the last one up. Emily looked in on Penelope and JJ and they were asleep. Spencer was asleep as well but Emily went into his room to take his glasses off.

She put them on the nightstand, kissed his face, and left. Taking a deep breath, she knocked on Jason’s door. His lamp was still burning but he didn’t answer. Emily knocked again; she still got no response. So she finally pushed the door open and peeked inside.

“Jason?”

He was lying on his bed with his eyes closed. He wore earphones, which might explain why he didn’t hear her. Emily felt bad that she was probably going to scare him witless. She sat on the bed and put her hand on his shoulder.

“Jason?”

He slowly opened his eyes and pulled off his earphones.

“Yes?”

“I knocked but you didn’t hear me.” she said.

“I was in my own world; I'm sorry.”

“It’s OK.”

They were quiet for a moment and it was awkward. Emily smiled a little, clearing her throat.

“I've been a little out of it lately.” Jason said. He sat up and put his Walkman on the nightstand.

“I've noticed. We've all noticed. I'm worried about you,” she caressed his face. “I just didn’t want to push.”

“I’ll be OK.”

“What's wrong?”

“I try sometimes to put it all into words but I'm struggling.”

“You wanna try again?” Emily gave him a little smile and Jason tried to do the same.

“Lie down with me, Katya.”

They lie on his bed, above the covers, and Jason turned off the lamp. In the darkness, Emily watched the ceiling fan swirling above her head. The room was warmer than most of the rest of the house. Jason didn’t like air conditioning unless absolutely necessary.

He had his bedroom windows open and the fan running. Emily wrapped herself in his embrace, lifting his tee shirt a little to rub his bare stomach. She learned over time that it calmed him. While Jason never said it aloud, Emily had a feeling that his mother used to do it when he was a little boy.

“I would do anything to see my parents again.” he whispered. “Sometimes I think I would give up everything, even give up my life with you Katya, to have one more moment. Sometimes I'm so damn lonely and I miss them so much. I see other people my age…” Jason sighed. He tried to hold back the tears but he couldn’t. “Graduation was so hard. All I wanted was to see my mother smile.

“I remember looking at you smiling all day but it didn’t quite make me feel better. It made me miss her more. I miss the way my father used to tousle my hair. I miss going to the park with him to look at birds. We always read together, talked. I didn’t have enough time with them. I don’t even remember what they said to me the last time I saw them.”

“I think we all understand that feeling.” She replied.

Emily switched positions on the bed. She needed to hold him; he needed the heat of her love and positive energy. He needed to lay his head on her breast and know that it was home.

“I'm so scared sometimes that I’ll lose you. I worry I’ll lose all of you and be alone again. I love my family so much; I know I can't have both. If my parents were still alive none of you would be in my life. I hate having to think about that. The double-edged sword is tearing me apart.”

“Nothing in life is absolute or infinite.” Emily said, rubbing his back now. “One day I was living one life and the next I was fighting for my life in an alley. Penelope told me once that she was sure her mother led her to you. JJ says she lost her big sister but now she gets to be one to Garcia and Spencer. Morgan doesn’t have Sarah and Desi right now but he has three other sisters who love him just the way he is.

“We’re together for a reason. There may be times when we really need to hold on tight to each other. The pain we’ve endured won't ever go away, even if it fades over time. We’ll always miss lost loved ones even as we acquire more.”

“It’s been seven years.” Jason replied.

“But they're your parents.” Emily said.

“I miss them so much. I want them to see me now, Emily, be proud of all I've accomplished. I want them to guide my footsteps. I want a soft place to fall.”

“You have it with me.”

“I can't burden you.”

“Burden me? Don’t be ridiculous; I love you. When you hurt so do I. When you're joyous, I wanna jump up and down as well. Good news, bad, or anything in between, I'm here for you.

“We’re all here for each other.” She said. “You don’t have to be a martyr, Jason. I know a lot of the things you're going through. Even if I can't identify exactly, I love you and I will listen when you need to talk.”

Jason nodded but didn’t say anything. Emily didn’t mind the silence. He was still crying and she held onto him. She hoped her arms provided comfort for him as his always did for her.

“I love you too, Katya.” He sat up some, taking her face in his hands. “I couldn’t imagine my life without you. It’s only been a year but you’ve kept me sane through so much.”

“I thought I drove you insane.” she smiled.

“Yeah, but it’s the good insane. I promise.”

“Then I promise to keep doing it.”

“Maybe Penelope is right. Maybe my mother sent you to me.”

Jason kissed her, softly, sweetly, and it made Emily moan. When he deepened the kiss, she pulled his body over hers on the bed. For a while they just kissed. It felt to Jason as if he’d been lost, disconnected.

He wanted to feel again and he always did in her arms. How the hell did he get so lucky to know her, love her, and be loved by her in return? It had to be a gift from God. His whole life was, even with the losses and the ups and downs.

“We could do something that makes you feel really good?” Emily whispered before sucking his earlobe.

Just hearing that made Jason’s body react. He knew Emily was not shy about expressing her intimate wants and needs. That was something that he was still working on. Whenever Jason thought back to that sweltering July afternoon, one of their last in the apartment, he was blissful.

“No Katya,” he took both of her hands and kissed them. “Just lying here with you makes me feel good. Will you stay tonight?”

“Absolutely,” she nodded.

Jason exhaled. They spooned together in bed, listening to their breathing and The Palisades outside. Emily smiled when his fingers slid against hers. It was so hard not to quiver when he touched her.

“Emily?”

“Yes?”

“I need to ask one more favor?”

“You know that you can ask me anything.”

“I want to go and see my parents this weekend. Will you come with me?”

“Of course I will.”

Emily said it without taking a breath. She hadn't even been to the cemetery to see her own parents. They were buried in the city she lived in and she’d never been. She had no idea what to do or say at a cemetery. Even when they were alive, Gregory and Elizabeth Prentiss didn’t find much time to spend with their daughter. She thought it very strange to change that in their deaths. Emily was curious though as to what Jason would say when he saw his parents.

“Jason, can I ask you something?”

“Mmm hmm.”

“Why do Jewish people put stones on graves instead of flowers?”

“There are a few reasons…depending on who you ask.”

“Tell me everything you know.”

So he did. They lay in bed and Jason talked about Jewish death and burial traditions until he and Emily fell asleep. Normally he was sure that kind of talk would bring bad dreams but tonight was the most peaceful sleep he’d had in over a week.

***

  



End file.
